I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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