omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
