we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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