So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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