He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
