in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
