I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
