I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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