We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
