I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
