I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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