He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
