I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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