Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can I color on your dick again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
