i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
