honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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