I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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