Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
