I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
