its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
