Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
