so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
