Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
