dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
