i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
