i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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