I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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