Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
