I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
