Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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