last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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