I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
