I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
