there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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