dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
