OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
