She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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