If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
