Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
