I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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