there's paper in my vomit.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
