Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So squirting runs in the family.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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