Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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