I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
