You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
