i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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