I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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