so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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