somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Panties = found
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
