I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
