I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
