Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
