OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
