He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
