oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
