I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
