just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
