he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
