i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
