Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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