yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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