I just made out with a guy for $7.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize