A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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