....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
