I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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