Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
