I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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