It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
