Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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