Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
