No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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